Het huis van mijn Oma/My Grandmothers House

Medan, Sumatra, vrijdag 9 januari 2009

De Jalan Candik Mentut – vroeger de Van Sandicklaan - is een smalle rustige straat, met aan de ene kant een hoge gele muur en aan de andere kant een aantal woonhuizen. Er is een grote partytent over de weg gespannen, waarschijnlijk gaat iemand trouwen. Naast het huis met de partytent staat een stukje van de weg af, in een bescheiden tuin met een gazon en een kinderschommel, een witte bungalow, Hollandse stijl. Er staat een laag muurtje voor de voordeur, die het huis en gazon van elkaar afscheiden. Het huis is laag, 1 verdieping, het dak is van dakpannen en vrij plat. Er zitten luiken voor de ramen en daarboven, onder het dak, ronde ventilatiegaten. Het is een strak en modern ogend huis, (beetje jaren twintig?)

Het huis is nummer 13, en terwijl ik er naar sta te kijken vraag ik me af of dit het huis is waar mijn oma woonde in de jaren ‘dertig van de twintigste eeuw. Het ziet er wel zo uit als op de foto’s, maar misschien zagen alle huizen in de straat er wel zo uit. De rest van de huizen zijn vervangen door modernere Indonesische gevallen, die de neiging hebben een beetje protserig te zijn. Het is duidelijk nog een welvarende straat, en ook goed gelegen, tussen de sportvelden en het oude Nederlandse Hooggerechtshof, nu nog steeds in gebruik (als kantoor?), en vlak bij het oude stadscentrum en de alun-alun (groot plein en grasveld in het midden van elke Indonesische stad).

Aan de Alun-Alun staat ook het voormalige kantoor van de KPM (Koninklijke Nederlandse Pakketvaart Maatschappij) waar mijn overgrootvader werkte als accountant. Ik weet niet of hij in dit kantoor werkte maar het zou best kunnen, ik zal het mijn oma binnenkort eens vragen.

Nummer 13 is omringd door een hek en de poort is op slot dus helaas kan ik niet dichterbij komen, maar ik zie aan de linkerkant nog wel wat van de achterkant en iets wat er uit ziet als de verblijven voor bedienden en de keuken. Een straat verderop zijn ze precies zo’n bungelow aan het verbouwen en krijg ik het voor mekaar om het huis te bekijken. Vanbinnen is het al helemaal gestript maar de kamers, badkamers en aan de achterkant vier slaapkamers die uitkijken op de tuin zijn nog goed te zien. Dit huis ligt aan de rivier, waar mijn oma me ook over vertelde.

Nummer 13 kijkt uit op de muur die de sportvelden omringt, die waren er ook al in de jaren dertig. Voetbal, tennis en hockey velden, die nog steeds in gebruik zijn. Op weg naar de rivier kom ik ook een klein stukje bos tegen. Dit was vroeger veel groter, aldus Kings, maar nu is het gedeeltelijk volgebouwd.

De straten rond mijn oma’s oude huis zijn allemaal omlijnd door bomen en stralen een rustige sfeer uit. Er staan wat etenstalletjes langs de weg, kinderen spelen, een paar mannen verzamelen afval, kippen pikken wat rond. Overal waar ik langsloop wordt ik natuurlijk bekeken en begroet, bovendien willen mensen weten wat ik daar doe. “Nenek saya tinggal di sini tempo doeloe” probeer ik uit te leggen, en volgens mij begrijpen ze het. Een aantal mensen wordt zelfs erg enthousiast, ook mijn becak chauffeur die het wel een mooie missie vind.

Terwijl ik op de brug over de rivier naar het stromende water sta te kijken denk ik aan hoe mijn oma dit precies zo gezien moet hebben, rivieren, water, zijn vrij onveranderlijke kenmerken. Maar ook lopend door haar straat en door de straten in de buurt probeer ik met haar ogen te kijken. Het geeft me aan apart geluksgevoel om daar te lopen.

Telkens als ik in Indonesie ben verbaas ik me er over hoe gemakkelijk ik me er voel, hoe thuis eigenlijk. Ik voel me nooit echt een vreemde hier, hoe kan dat? De houding van mensen is zo open en enthousiast, je wordt onthaald als een eregast, als een lang verloren dochter. En volgens mij doen ze dat bij elke bezoeker, ongeacht je herkomst, al zijn ze wel veel enthousiaster als je blank bent.....Een oud-studente vertelde me eens over haar bezoek aan een dorpje op Java waar al heel lang geen vreemdelingen waren geweest. “Behalve een paar Afrikanen”, maar die telden niet echt, aldus de dorpsoudste. Het schoonheidsideaal hier is nog steeds blank, en vrouwen smeren hun gezicht vol blekende creme om maar zo wit mogelijk te lijken. Het doet me altijd een beetje pijn, de mensen zijn hier zo mooi, maar deze patronen zijn moeilijk te doorbreken ben ik bang. Het is echt een bijzonder land met bijzondere mensen. Ik ben blij dat ik hier ben en dit mag meemaken.

A silent symphony of color and movement

Mabul Island, 1 januari 2009

It is a symphony, without sound, played in movement and non-movement, in singles and doubles and millions, small notes and big ones, with waving plants and majestic turtle fins, in colors and in bubbles.

I had NO idea, could have NO idea, that diving is this magic. The world beneath the waves has an indescribable and entrancing quality. No time, no weight, absolutely free and in the moment, like the deepest state of meditation.

After three days of theory and practicing skills under water I got my Open Water certificate, so I can officially do dives till a depth of 18 meters. Today was the first day I went for ‘fun-diving’, sight seeing under water so to speak. And what a way to start the new year! If the first day of the year is any indication of how the rest of that year will be… I will be living a beautiful dream in 2009.

Sipedan is a national marine park, an atoll in the middle of the ocean. Only 120 divers per day are allowed to dive, 10 per dive outfitter. This is strictly followed; we all had to sign in with the Marine guys who are manning the island. It is a very small island, a tropical paradise, white beaches and palm trees, surrounded by azure blue seas. Just a few meters into the sea steep seawalls, covered in coral, plummet down to a depth of a staggering 600 meters. This ecosystem is an amazing home to all the sea animals you can imagine and see. But most exciting to many divers are the hundreds of giant sea turtles and white tip and reef sharks living there.

I saw them for the first time today, the sharks. How beautiful, how humbling, to see them pass by, with slow and elegant movements, cool and haughty, undisturbed by our presence. And how they sleep! Lying on the sandy sides and bottoms of the coral reef, like statues, sometimes in pairs. I could swim right next to them, hovering above them, under them. They were all around us, swimming and sleeping. It was beautiful to be with the sharks and not feel any fear or worry. These are cute sharks! Just one to two meters long and not interested in humans in neoprene suits at all….Nothing like the surreal fear of sharks I had for years, after watching Jaws by accident at the tender age of 8….. I even freaked out swimming in the North Sea or lakes, but today those fears were gone. These sharks only feed of the fish on the reef, and there are so many that they never have to go hungry. Besides, they have kind of tiny mouths!

The sea turtles are superb, they nest on Sipedan and it is an important breeding ground for them. They are swimming everywhere in all shapes and sizes, and lying and resting on the coral reef as well. Their slow swimming movements, their wise heads, black observing eyes and majestic shields never fail to raise my admiration.

What a wonderful world we live in! A feeling of grace and humility fills me. What is the name of the one who created this? Even if I had a thousand tongues I could not sing enough praise…. Ek Ong Kar.

A Malaysian Soundtrack...

Day 1 and 2 – Semporna, Sabah, Malaysia

Flying from Kuala Lumpur to Sabah (the Malaysian side of Borneo) was amazing, really like entering wilderness. Not for nothing that Borneo is sometimes called ‘The WILD West’… Jungle beneath, very dense forest, some mud-colored rivers waving and bending their way through, and then, slash and burn clearings, destroyed hills, palm plantations, little farmhouses, like a wound in the forest. Rugged little hills with jagged peaks pass by underneath, the sun is setting, spreading a warm yellow light, showing the shadow of the airplane. A sudden rainbow behind the wing... Magical.

Getting out of the plane in Tawau, around dusk, the air rich with smells and humidity. Wonderful natural smells, of trees and soil. Almost there…. After 24 hours of traveling all I need to do is take a one hour drive with a taxi to Semporna, over a dark winding road. Some dangerously big trucks carry people in the open hatch. Laborers from the Palm oil plantations, or so my taxi driver tells me. The poorest of the poor, often from the Philippines or Indonesia. They earn 1 ringit an hour, that is 20 eurocent…..

Dark road with dogs crossing, a big dead reptile (lizard?) on the tarmac, its intestines splashed out red and dark…. The view makes me nauseous. Up on the electricity cable an owl is watching down, its silhouette perfect against the dark blue sky.

Houses on poles, little wooden stands along the road were farmers sell their products during the day. I sleep a bit, wake up, sleep, chat with the driver. Semporna is a little town on the seaside, but not romantic or beautiful. It’s dirty, filled with concrete buildings, garbage everywhere, typical of many Asian towns and cities. An attack on the senses, bad smells, good smells, people, food, colors and music. It feels familiar, a bit like some parts of Jakarta. Groups of boys stare at me, not unfriendly, just staring, but the women and children stare too. Everybody is curious, asking “where you go miss? Where is your husband miss?” I have invented one by now. One who had to stay home and work hard and could not come with me. Even the Westerners here at Scubajunkie are surprised that I am travelling alone, this seems uncommon around here. I am not sure why, it feels perfectly fine to do so, and I feel perfectly safe and protected.

I sleep for a few hours that first night in the scubajunkie hostel, jetlag is still obvious and I get up at 3 for my daily meditation and yoga practice. It is nice and quiet and my room is big enough. I had a very strong meditation experience during the mantras, my body was immovable, like a rock, and it did not have to move once. My awareness was free floating above it, aware and peaceful, sensing the body but no longer contained by it. Are those hands I feel really my hands? I feel a very satisfying sense of detachment and freedom, no distracting signals from my physical body, no shifting and stretching of joints. Just being, heavy, like a log, a stone, my thoughts cascading along like water. And then this awareness separate from that, observing but still connected.

A beautiful sunset is my reward for early rising…. just before six, right when I was done the sun came up with splendor and immediately birds start singing and people start moving around. Those equatorial sunrises and sunsets are so fast, like switching the light on or off. I was planning to sleep some more but it was too beautiful outside and I walked out the door, the town bustling with life under the first sunrise, the market full of vendors and buyers, fruits and fish.

At the waterside the first impression was stench and garbage, everything drifting in the water and piled up on the shore. Environmental awareness is not very common, yet. It will be I hope… You can’t blame people, the government does not provide and garbage collection and people have bigger worries than pollution of the environment. Still, it is a painful sight. But there is a nice blue sea as well, with jagged little island peaks in the distance. Boats everywhere, rickety little boats bringing fish on shore.

Whole families on living boats, most of them so-called Sea Gypsies: stateless people, living on and off the sea. On boats and on house they have built in the middle of the sea, floating or on poles.

They sell little sharks with dead eyes and bloody fins, big beautiful fish, sadly beaten and lifeless. Beautiful amounts of little sardines, like raindrops in a bucket. Everything dead.

I am sure this fresh fish tastes amazing, but most divers (and yogis) won’t eat it. After seeing them alive around you all day in the water, eating them is like eating your own puppy. Not for the faint of heart….

In the harbor people are sitting and staring at each other and me. The share greetings and laughs, openly curious, but I am getting used to it again. Indonesia is not much different, in fact, most of my Asian experiences have been colored by the friendliness and curiosity of the locals.

Slowly, I am getting used to the stench and filth, the dead rats on the street, guts splashed out, hunted down by dogs and cars, eaten. The living rats, big as cats, eating the garbage in the back yard of the hostel. The stray dogs in the street hunt them down and living of them.

Then there is the giant lizard (2 meters? It is gigantic) slowly passing through the backyard when I am in the shower. Amazing animal, prehistoric design and still working fine!

Smells, sights, color and sound. Asia on my Mind and Soul, providing a new soundtrack to the stability I feel inside.

Besides the mosque it is not beautiful here in Semporna, but the ocean is one of the most amazing marine areas in the world. I did my open water scuba diving course theory today and so tomorrow it will be diving, first theory and practice, and then, in the afternoon, dipping under and seeing and sensing that hidden world…..

Kuala Lumpur Smiles

Kuala Lumpur Airport has a strange, quiet atmosphere, for one of the busiest airports in Asia. Maybe it is because of the luxury design, the tropical waterfall outside, all the glass, that people just speak softer and go quietly on their way. The airport looks more like a luxury shopping mall and entertainment center, and guess what, they also have a brilliant hotel in the departure area where you can book a room for a few hours, day or night....

This was an offer that I gladly accepted after a 12 hour flight and a missed night of sleep. The cold shower was fantastic, clean crisp sheets too, and then a cool, dark room.... sleep taking me in her arms, softly whisking me away from airports and all those people everywhere. Maybe that was the best thing about being in my hotel room for five hours: some privacy is always nice after being packed like sardines in a flying-can.

And then, it was on to another part of the airport, to the departure hall of the discount airliner AirAsia. That is were I am patiently waiting now. Not standing in line in front of the gate like all the other people here. Just sitting, watching, being watched, writing a bit.

What a feast of the senses, Malaysia.... Food everywhere, fantastic food, for that matter. Fresh fruits and juices, yummy rice dishes with vegetarian or meat sauces. The roti bread with banana inside, or noodles and soup, ice cream and smoothies. An airport with a gigantic food court, people everywhere, different faces, languages. Malaysia has been on the crossroads of many Asian trade routes for centuries and it is visible: Chinese, Indian, Arabic, Indonesian faces. Smiley faces too, from the children, the parents, the young couples. People smile generously here. And now on to Borneo to dive. Selamat Siang!

What's in a name? The meaning of Amrit Dev Kaur

In the tradition of Kundalini Yoga it is possible to ask for a spiritual name. This name signifies the destination of your soul, your own true essence, and is a reminder of who you really are.... It can be helpful to have reminder of this, especially right now when my mind is trying to grasp the fact that I am leaving Amsterdam for a few months. I feel a bit overwhelmed with all the changes and goodbyes always bring up lots of emotions too. So I felt the need to meditate on my True Name (Sat Nam) and looked up the meaning of Amrit Dev Kaur. What a great gift to have this name, I immediately felt lighter and brighter when I read this again:

You have been blessed to live as Amrit Dev Kaur, which means the Princess/Lioness of God, who walks with grace and courage throughout her life, and who tastes and enjoys Gods sweet divine nectar.

Amrit means the nectar of Gods grace, the sweetness of God touching and opening your heart. Dev means divine and angelic. Kaur means the Princess/Lioness of God who walks with grace and courage throughout her life. Kaur is a name that Yogi Bhajan gave to all women. He taught that every woman has the potential to attain a true state of grace and courage, and he encouraged each woman to manifest that potential.

Having the name Amrit Dev Kaur means that within you is the potential to dwell in the sweetness of your soul. You can be an Angel, one who serves with grace and honor.

Meditate on your beautiful spiritual name, listen to your souls truth and connect with your Creator. May you excel in the Age of Aquarius and light up the universe as we move from a finite consciousness to a consciousness of Infinity.

May Guru Ram Das bless you and guide you, now and forever. In the Name of the Cosmos which prevails through everyBODY, and the Holy Nam which holds the world.

What is good or bad?

Yesterday a nice quote from Yogi Bhajan came in my mailbox. It says:

What is good or bad? Only thinking makes it so. We only need to learn two things: to be grateful and to be graceful.

I really enjoy thinking about the meaning of these quotes for myself, of course we interpret them all differently. What does it mean to you?

To me this was a reminder not to be judgemental about anything that happens or about other people. And to be happy with my life and to be graceful when things or other people are difficult or challenging. So to deal with difficulties in an elegant and balanced way. No need to make a drama out if it ;-)

I just spend a long week on my own in isolation (no phone, internet, etc) in a little house on one of the Dutch islands (Schiermonnikoog) to write on my dissertation and it was wonderful. The house is owned by my extended family and I have visited it since I was born. Some of the best childhood memories are about our holidays in that little wooden house. The island itself is a natural reserve with some of the most untouched land in the Netherlands.

Like I planned, I got a lot of work done in a nice peaceful way. I started every day with early morning yoga and meditations (sadhana = discipline), had a wonderful breakfast and started to write. My desk was in front of the big window overlooking the dunes. All I saw, looking up from the computer, was nature.....and I got to walk along the beach and in the dunes every day.

What a perfect balance.

I hope to live in a little house in nature some time in the future... for now, I'm back in Amsterdam. But not for long! On the 27th of December I am moving to Indonesia for a few months to do more research for my dissertation, to visit a conference, and to do some travelling and diving on Borneo and Sumatra... and.... who knows?!

Dreams are wishes waiting to be fulfilled.