Sunday, August 30, 2009

The healing power of nature







Since I moved back to the North of Holland I have really reconnected to the healing power of nature. It is so nice to live in a small town again, in a quiet street, with a big garden and a huge natural area behind the house... I never thought I would enjoy living like this as much as I actually do right now. Before moving to Indonesia I already knew I did not want to come back to Amsterdam, since I had been feeling tired of living in the city for a while, but I also did not know where I wanted to go.

Ever since staying with my mom, in her house, things just fell into place. First of all because it has been great to reconnect with my family after many years on the road and in different countries. Secondly because this environment is just the right place to be for me right now. This became even more clear when I went to Amsterdam for a few days last week. It was nice to be there and see some friends and be able to meditate in the yogastudio, but the environment of the city really does not do it for me anymore. Not all cities are as intense as Amsterdam, of course, the energy in Groningen (the city half an hour bike-ride away from me) is very different and fits more with my current vibe. Still, countryside rules! :-)

I love walking out in the garden every morning to take a few deep breaths before starting my writing day. Hanging the laundry on the line is enjoyable because it is an excuse to be outside. I eat my lunch outside most days, and whenever I get tired of work and the computer I just lie down in the grass, staring at the sky, the moving clouds, the treetops..... Hearing the birds, the rustling leaves, a little animal crashing around in the bushes... The smell of grass and trees and sky.... mmmmmm, what a perfume.

There is this touching song called Azure Salver (which is sung by Singh Kaur and also by Snatam Kaur, and some other artists did it too) that really captures my experience of nature. It is a beautiful translation from a fragment of the Sikh evening prayer Sohila. I love those lyrics, such beautiful poetry, please forgive me for any mistakes (and you really should check out the Itunes version to hear the true beauty of it)

----------
The sky is the Azure Salver, The sun and moon are thy lamps.
The stars are thy scattered pearls, and the sandal forest thy incense.
And the breeze is thy fan.

These along with the flowers of agitation, our latest offerings at thy feet
What other worship can be compared, to nature's own festival of lights?
Divine music resounds within.

Thousand are thy eyes, and yet thou has no eyes,
Thousand are thy forms, and yet thou has no form,
Thousand are thy lotus feet, and yet thou has no feet,
Thousand are thy noses, and yet thou has no nose,
I am enchanted with thy play.

It is thy light which lives in every heart, and thy light which illumines every soul....

-----------
So yes, Divine Music resounds within: inside yourself and inside every other creature and natural element. I love walking in the splendid, rich, green fields around the house. Looking at the cows, the birds, the horses, seeing the snails on the trail, the frogs in the water: feeling part of all this, deeply connected with everything around me. And hearing that divine music, within everything, no separations, no limits. Relating to infinity like this is a precious gift that I enjoy every day, and store in my heart, my body, my soul....

Whenever I feel burdened by something, I take a walk and it just leaves my body and mind in the rhythm of my steps and breathing. Often songs and sounds come to me and out of me and the good villagers of Haren and surroundings are probably a bit stupefied about this singing-girl-with-the-turban tramping through the fields.

To me being in nature is deeply healing, and I feel so lucky to be able to balance out the 'mind-work' of disseration writing by being outside and letting my thoughts slide away and filling my heart with joy and love.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Of Turbans and Tango




The sun shines, the birds sing, I am happy and the universe is so good to me. I have arrived, again, in the here and now. I am where I am and I am who I am. Wahe Guru!

Still, there are dillemmas, there are challenges, but that is great. It is in the heat of the fire that the iron is forged, that your true shape appears. My dissertation is part of the fire, and it is shaping me and I am shaping it. I enjoy the process, for the first time since I started in America in 2004 I am enjoying the fire my dissertation represents.

Another fire is my desire to wear my turban, always. To wear it to work, to the supermarket, to tango. But I am also afraid of completely showing who I am, who I have become. That my life is about the divine and about serving people through yoga and meditation. I love being a yogi, I love my turban, I love wearing it because it keeps me so clearheaded, radiant, calm, and royal. I love wearing it because it represents my dedication and commitment, and because it supports me to carry myself like the strong and able woman that I am.

But I am still intimidated by the world outside, by responses from all the people who know me. By the looks and the questions. I am still challenged also with the scope and width of my commitment. And I am challenged especially by the tangoworld, this world of sexy dresses and sensual movement. I love tango, and it is divine and I still want to dance tango, but I also want to wear my turban. Would people still dance with me if I wear my turban? Can I be a yogi and a tango-dancer at the same time? All in one? Can I unite myself in this?

Wow, I can really feel this stage of transition inside myself. But I can't wait till it is socially convenient (like next summer when I plan to move to Indonesia/India) before I make this choice. Because inside me this knowledge, this drive, this commitment to live a pure life is knocking and humming, and it is not something I can just ignore or push away. Because being a yogi is in some amazing way an essential part of who I am....

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Thunder and lightning and the hands of God

Sitting in the taxi that took me from the center of Jakarta to the airport, away from good old horrible Plaza Indonesia, with its enormously expensive shopping malls, skyscrapers and chique hotels, it was thundering and lightning. Rain was splashing on the windows. It seemed only fitting, as an official goodbye to rainy season, to get some more rain. I was riding in the taxi like an Indian princess, covered in beautiful fabrics, a gift from my Indian family in Jakarta. These generous people took me in like a daughter, sister, brother, and they stole my heart. Leaving them was difficult, but it had to be done. I knew that staying there with them would mean I would become a total yogi and would not finish my dissertation. I know I will return to them, at some point, to teach more yoga and learn more from them about Sikhism and the gurudwara and all the gurus. For now I am grateful that I got to experience a glimpse of what life could be like as a full time yoga teacher. I love it.

That was four weeks ago, but the thunder and lightning has not stopped, although now it seems to be internal, most of the time. My own thunder and lighting, winding and grinding its way through my body, my mind. I was again reminded that some things are not what they seem to be, or what I would like them to be. I returned to Holland in a rush, driven by homesickness and a feeling of unrest that I could not shake off. I was planning to stay in Indonesia at least till June, but I couldn't. I don't exactly know what happened, besides this driving, urging feeling that I HAD TO GO HOME. So after some resisting and some stress and sadness and doubt, I did. It was not easy, I had commitments, I had appointments, I had yoga students and friends expecting me to stay, I had a special friend coming to visit me there. This all had to be canceled, this all caused lots of disappointments, for other people and for me. I turned my last weeks in Jakarta into a beautiful mess, like Jason Mraz sings so nicely. And now I am still cleaning up the beautiful mess inside. It's taking a bit of work.

Nevertheless, I am doing well, arrived safely and was warmly, generously welcomed by beautiful people. By one beautiful person in particular, my special friend M. I was also lucky to spend a weekend with my extended family from my father's side, the Dirks side. One of the reasons I wanted to come back was because we had a great family weekend together, over 30 of us, uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces. It was special for me, to see all of my family together, to see 'this is where I come from'.

I also enjoy spring in Holland tremendously, it is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. Everything is so green, flowers are blooming, the smells in the air are overwhelming, the little lambs and baby cows and little horses running around outside. The tenderness of nature, the song of the birds, the feeding and caring and blossoming of life. It can honestly put me to tears to witness a little waterbird dragging straws to his/her nest, putting it on and immediatly swimming away to return for more. Or how they feed their little ones: eating something and then feeding it from their beaks to their babies.

Although I have landed in Holland, I have been in constant flux, not really landing anywhere till last week. I decided then to plant my feet and my laptop in Haren, a small village near Groningen, in the North of Holland. I have a little room, in my mom's house. It is great being with my mom actually, it is like a rediscovery. We have both changed so much since I moved out when I was seventeen and now we are suddenly, temporarily, housemates. I guess being 30 years old and living with your mom is not very sexy. But then, my life is not about being sexy, it is about doing sadhana/yoga every morning and finishing my PhD. It is about completing the enormous task that is called a dissertation. It is about shaking off the load that has been on my shoulders for five years already, 2 in the USA and 3 in Holland. Completion, a fresh start, new choices. I am longing to be done. Now I am writing dilligently on my dissertation.... every day. A few pages a day, makes a book a year. A mantra I keep repeating to myself. This week I wrote 18 pages, that is good, that is 6 pages more than my target of 12 pages a week.... one chapter per month.

So yes, I returned to Holland but I did not return to Amsterdam, to Leiden or anywhere near my friends or fellow yogis. This is on purpose, since I discovered in Indonesia that the only way I produce good work in a relaxed mindset is when I live in isolation and don't have too many distractions. The distractions here are minimal and beautiful: the bird in the tree for my window, a magnolia blossoming, my mom's footsteps downstairs, making lunch, a walk in the large garden or along the sandy road behind the house.

I have disappointed myself and others with some of the choices I made in the past few weeks and make at the moment. These are difficult and painful things to recover from, more than I thought.

I have hardly seen or visited any of my friends in the West of Holland, but over the next weeks or months it might happen, gradually. Of course I would love to see them all soon, but I can't. For some reason I just have to take it slow. My life is so full with just writing my dissertation. And I am still far away from everyone, 2,5 hours by train or so. Groningen almost seems as far away from life in Amsterdam as Indonesia....This is all I do: I get up at 4.00 am, do my sadhana, breakfast, start work at 8 am, work till 17.00, get an early dinner, take a walk or a run outside, maybe watch a dvd, sleep. The next day the whole thing starts over again. Discipline, discipline, discipline. I know it will see me through. Sat Nam, Sat Nam, Sat Nam....

And during the weekends? During the weekends I get to relax, and I hopefully will see my special friend as often as possible. It is still a distance between him and me, but it is less than it was for the past three months, it is a distance that can be covered by train and car.... so now there is a chance, a chance to get to know each other better.

I am not sure how long I will stay here in Groningen, I am still travelling, inside and outside. I don't feel yet like getting my stuff out of storage and setting up my own house again. Not yet. I have some other offers for places to stay: I could go stay in my dad's house in Munich for a while, I could go back to Yogyakarta and work there for a while. Or maybe I will move closer to my special friend, depending on how things develop for us. I could go many places.... but for now, in the present moment, I am here, in Haren, with my mom and my books and archival documents and my dissertation, and that is all there is.

I had expected many things for my return, but most of them were different than I thought and I did not expect things to go like this! Another life lesson ;-) Strangely enough it is all good the way it is. Everything always changes, nothing is permanent, 'this too will pass', as one of my friends tells me when I don't feel so well.

And "You are always in the hands of God", someone whispers to me often.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Salib Putih, White Cross on a mountain slope

It's 5.30 in the morning when I quietly leave the house and push my motorbike into the street. I chant my yogi protection mantra, (aad guray nameh, jugaad guray nameh, sat gureh nameh, siri guru deva nameh), because when you are driving a motorbike on Indonesian roads any protection is welcome. It is just getting light as I hit the road towards Merapi vulcano, winding through rice fields and small villages. It is nice and quiet for about an hour, but soon after that the road is more crowded than rush hour in Amsterdam. Everybody on the motorbike, some trucks and buses who can hardly climb the hills, and many old bikes, old rusty dutch grandma bikes creeping along the side. People on their way to work and to school. Nobody is worried about traffic safety and their children, I see kids of 6 years old driving a motorbike (brommer), they can barely touch the pedals.

I wind my way through the crowds and around deep potholes, sometimes stopping to ask the way, to go to the bathroom somewhere, to take a picture. When I buy gas it comes from the roadside, sold in 1 liter bottles from peoples houses, since gas stations are far from these small back roads. I take off my helmet and the local women and children get very excited about my arrival. A foreigner! With blond hair and on a motorbike! A crazy buleh going to Salatiga, which is far away. They sell me gas with big smiles and many thanks, the people on the road all watching and an excited bus driver hanging out the window. I am happy to wear my helmet with face covering when I drive, it keeps flies and wind and sun out of my face, and people don't notice me as much. Plus, this way I keep people surprised when I take it off!

I drive far and long, three hours, to get to Salatiga, which used to be an important Dutch trading and military town between Semarang and Solo in the middle of Java. Close to another volcano (Gunung Merbabu, the sister of Merapi) it is nice and cool. I am excited to see it, I have read so much about it, because it was here that the White Cross Agricultural Colony was founded in 1902 by the Dutch protestant Van Emmerik. He started it as a place for poor Javanese who had lost their land and houses in one of the frequent eruptions of one of the nearby volcanoes.

At the time Salatiga was flooded with begging and starving people and Van Emmerik, then working for the Salvation Army to bring Christianity to the Javanese, felt he had to do something. So he got land from the government and started his own colony and was soon joined by his Salvation Army english wife, Alice Cleverly-Van Emmerik. The colony grew enormously over the next 50 years, with two more colonies founded and about 1300 people living in the three combined. Besides giving land and food to poor Javanese they also raised thousands of orphans and hundreds of Javanese and some Indo-European juvenile delinquents. The last group is interesting for my dissertation about juvenile criminals and their re-education in the Netherlands Indies.

I could not believe my eyes last night when I decided to enter salib putih in google and actually found a website about the place. The internet is an amazing place to discover the world... So driving here I knew I was still going to find the place, which is more than I hoped for. It is still a christian enterprise, now an Indonesian association that is running an orphanage, a house for elderly people, some agriculture (coffee plantation mostly) and about 150 poor people still living and working there. It is 4 km out of Salatiga, towards the mountain and is green and lush with beautiful views all around. There is a campground and even a hotel, mostly to serve Christian gatherings. I manage to get a room and even get a 50% discount when I explain I am researching the history of salib putih. After a swim and a nap to recover from my drive I explore the place, the village, some of the old houses and storage rooms still there. The place is silent, only some road noises, and it must have been dead silent before cars and motorbikes became prevalent here. The peaceful atmosphere is wonderful and a bit creepy in the dark parts of the forest and coffee plantations. So much history, the feeling of all of it overwhelms me sometimes.

An elderly woman invites me into her home, and I meet her even older mother Ibu Iyem inside. She is 97 years old and says she used to work for the Van Emmeriks until WW II. She is very confused and also cries a lot, which makes me wet-eyed too, and I soon give up the idea of interviewing here. They ask me to read from the bible in Bahasa Indonesia, because they can not read the small print any more. I end up doing it, reading words I don't understand but trying to fill them with my love and devotion for the One who does not care about religion anyway....

Their tiny house has three pictures of Jesus and they give me sweet Lemonade to drink. I am worried about the water they made it with, is it clean? I drink it anyway but manage to refuse the food by saying I have already eaten... better safe then sorry... The house is small and dirty and I am not sure if they have a fridge. The Ibus (mothers) also ask for money, which I kind of expected. I am white so I am rich, is their reasoning, and I understand this. I am rich, it is true.

Their story is very sad, because the old lady has a tumor and needs an operation which they say they can not afford. But at the same time I am not sure. I am overwhelmed by their crying and emotions and their sad story. But Ibu Mimi, the younger one, also has a son and family in Bogor and he has a job in Jakarta. So I ask here why he is not helping them. She does not really answer. I ask his number to discuss it, thinking I would not mind paying for the operation, if it is really needed. But would they not take care of it here? This is still a colony for poor people so you would think health care is included...

I am thinking about ways to raise money for Ibu Iyem, and I feel so sad for their sadness and pain, when I run into Dimas who works at the reception of the hotel I stay at. He also invites me in his house and I meet his little son and father-in-law. Dimas speaks a bit of English and wants to practice. I like him immediately, he just feels right. So I ask him about the situation on the colony and he tells there is a lot of poverty, the association does not have much money. But a nurse checks on patients every day and if needed they are sent to the hospital for whatever treatment they need..... this is what I felt when talking to the Ibus. They are sweet women and I am sure they need money, but it is not for an operation I am afraid. I still don't know what to do, I would like to help them, but it is complicated in a village like this. Everybody needs money. Where do I start? And is money the answer? I guess this is a question only rich people have the luxury of asking...

Dimas knows a lot about the colony and shows me around. We walk in a down pour of tropical rain, our umbrellas protecting our upper bodies but my dear Birkenstock sandals are immediately wet. The mud path over the plantation is soon a river and I am envious of his rubber slippers. The graveyard looks like a shipyard of crosses in a sea of grass, trees looming large, jungle reclaiming some of the graves. The Van Emmerik's lie side by side in big stone tombs, their flock around them. I find old graves and new graves, and everything in between, a history in names and dates. I also see the old prison, which is converted into a house now. The back side is intact, with the three small barred windows, exactly like I read in my sources. Many of the children sent to Salib Putih were put here for a few hours or days for stealing, running away, and other sins....

It is strange to see and feel the place like this, everything so real. We also visit some old houses and rice storages, and the ruins of the house where the Van Emmeriks used to live. The only recognizable elements are the small stone steps leading up to what used to be the veranda. "Mother" Van Emmerik writes about the people who would come to her door and sit on the step, asking to be accepted at the colony, or bringing a child or family member that was sick or dying. She always accepted people, even if everything was full and the prison had to be used as a temporary house during those times. At the height of the depression in the 1930s over a 1000 people were living on this colony. Some staying in family homes, and others in the big dormitories for the boys and girls without family. Delinquents were living together here with their 'normal' orphaned peers, something that was unheard of in the government juvenile institutions but allowed here.

Ma van Emmerik wrote about 'her' people every month in a little magazine she kept for donators and supporters. She writes about their lives with a mix of love and compassion, racism and orientalism, patronizing judgment and sometimes despair. Always hoping for them to become Good Christians, always hoping for them to become Good People. The ones who work hard are being praised, the ones who don't are still being fed but are constant sources of worries. Disease and death is rampant and the obituaries she writes for the death are often touching. Throughout the stereotypes about 'lazy and lying Javanese' and underneath and in between the racism, there is always love and compassion and an urge to serve and to rescue.

Yes, this is what I am seeing and feeling strongly by being here, these people were trying to serve and support their fellow human beings, their brothers and sisters, who they also looked down on, who they wanted to bring to Jesus so bad that it hurts to read it. What can I say? It is a complex history. Many of these Christianized Javanese became estranged from their Muslim family or village and they were instilled and 'cultured' and educated in Western ways without ever being asked. But they also got a change to get an education, to eat every day, to have a roof above their head, and in the case of juvenile delinquents: to be relatively free and live with their peers. Many of the delinquents ran off, but many also went to school and married and had babies and some of their offspring is probably still around today.

Tomorrow I will ask Dimas what he thinks about this. He is a Christian, how does he feel about the history of his own home? Today we ended the day on a lighter note. After walking in the rain we took his son and 2 little cousins and picked up his wive from work in town and I took them all to dinner in a local warung makan. Nasi goreng with some raw cabbage and cucumber and the hot sweet tea they serve here. It was a feast, and I felt among friends. I taught the children some Dutch and English songs and they taught me Indonesian words. We joked and we laughed, enjoyed the fod and each others company, and just smiled a lot.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Volcano Country

I drive slowly with my motorbike through the dusky humidity of the rice fields around Yogyakarta, in front of me rises the flank of the Merapi Volcano. I look with awe to this giant cone, some smoke drifting from the top into the grey-blue sky. On my left hand the sun has sunk below the horizon and I catch some lasts glimpses of red in the quickly darkening sky. The smells of food from some road side sellers drifts into my nostril, delicious smells of the meat I no longer eat.... I enjoy the fresh and cool breeze coming from the mountain, and the earthy smell of just-after-the-rain.

I feel lucky, I feel blessed, I feel grateful for moments like these, the beauty of this country, the beauty of sultan-city Yogya. The sights and smells and crowded insanity of Jakarta are slowly fading in my memory, only my favorite images of this behemoth city remain. The little boys playing soccer in their underwear on a McDonalds parking lot. The mother breastfeeding her child on the busy bus, both looking so content and peaceful amidst the morning commuters. Jakarta has beautiful sides, if you look hard, but Yogyakarta is just easily beautiful. Little pearls of beauty around every corner, waiting to be put on the string of my experience.

One more week of research here, and a talk I have to give at the university, then it will be back to Jakarta. I am actually thinking of returning to Yogya in march or early april to start writing some chapters of my dissertation. This place is great, I have some friends here, it is peaceful and I feel the peace of mind to sit down and start writing. Who knows, I might not return to Holland just yet.... For some reason the thought of going back home does not really appeal to me yet.

Is it the constant talk of crisis? The thought of the Dutch weather? Or the fact that I don't have a home waiting for me? In terms of an actual house, that is...since I moved out of the room in Amsterdam and put my stuff in storage. Of course there is a home back home ;-) I really love the Netherlands, but I also love being away from it, I realize. Being abroad there is the freedom to re-invent yourself, your patterns and the activities you do or don't. For once, my life is more quiet here, I don't run around trying to juggle everything from my job at the university to teaching yoga, seeing friends, etc. Of course, there are great aspects about being back home (family, friends, my yoga community, tango dancing, a special person who I would like to get to know better, but who is actually living in Germany...) but they will be there even a few months from now. These are probably my last months in Indonesia for a while to come and when I think about writing in the Netherlands most of the nice parts of being home seem to pale a bit in comparison to life here. Writing in the Netherlands seems like a huge mountain, waiting for me, and it does not look like a nice hike....

When I think about writing here, it feels good, it feels inspiring, like the right thing to do. There is so little to distract me, I work more hours without even noticing. I will wait for a bit to decide what is the best thing to do... Ask for some inner guidance, and some from above might be nice too... but then, that often seems to be one and the same thing.

One thing is clear in my mind: writing my dissertation is a priority for the next 8 months and I am looking to create an environment, here and/or at home, that will be most supportive to write, and in the most enjoyable way possible. Because I am done suffering for this PhD, I am really done with that. It is time to enjoy doing this project, and to enjoy life while writing a dissertation. I know it is possible!

The only question that remains in my mind is the following: Is it egocentric to want to stay here for a bit longer? Am I living for and by myself too much? I am not sure about the answer. Do you have any ideas on this? I would like to hear them.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

The National Gallery and around

 

 

 

 
Posted by Picasa

Images of my daily life in Jakarta

 

 

 

 
Posted by Picasa

Of beggars and millionaires

After three weeks in Jakarta I have regained my balance, my flow, and my sense of purpose. After three weeks in this polluted town I can see the beauty of skyscrapers and bear the sight of people living under a bridge, admire the resilience and survival of street dwellers and begging children at the traffic lights. After three weeks I am no longer shocked that a Cafe Latte at Starbucks costs as much as the hourly wage I pay to my research assistant. Which means that my research assistant is underpaid (to our Western standards, but I pay him more than his last boss did) and that Lattes are heavily overpriced cause with the price of a latte I can eat two lunches at the National Library. And how much does a Latte cost? About 26.000 rupiah, which is 2,70 euros......

In three weeks time I have become used to both the luxuries and unpleasant and unbearable sides of living here. When I go to the supermarket I take a taxi home with my weekly groceries, while usually I take the bus everywhere because it is what normal Indonesian people do, and I like meeting them in the space I have between my life as a western (yogi) expatriate at home and a historical researcher in the National library. There is not much time and space in which my life overlaps with their life, if it does it is usually because they serve me and my kind. They wash our clothes, clean our rooms, pack our groceries at the supermarket, take care of children and households, cook and serve the wonderful Indonesian food I love so much. It is only on neutral terrain like the street and in the buses that we are completely the same, there is no dependency on each other for money and services, there is just the meeting of human to human.

On Friday night, during the tango evening in Grand Canyon cafe, I meet rich upper class Jakartans with enormous amounts of money. The same morning I was witnessing life on the other side. On the ruins of a house naked children are washing themselves under a burst water pipe. Their lithe brown bodies are glimmering and shining from the water, they laugh and run around, throwing their washcloths at each other. Right next to them is a flood channel, dark brown water full of garbage floating by. Several men are up to their waste in the water, searching and sifting through the garbage, trying to find who-knows-what. On the side several rows of traffic rush by, cars, motorbikes, buses and some bikes. Once in a while a little horse cart comes along, click-clacking hooves a memory of times long past. Along the road stand many old Dutch houses, they look sad and are in a state of disrepair and neglect. Some of them look a little better, their owners apparently able to afford their upkeep. Sixty years ago this was a wealthy neighborhood, on the edge of central Jakarta, close to the old colonial government buildings and parks. Not much is left of that, now this area is overcrowded, dirty and clouded in a hazy layer of smog. I have never seen the sun in this part of town.

I pass by the children, the flood canal, and the old sad houses every day, on my way from my house in southern Jakarta to the Perpustakaan Nasional (national library) in Menteng. It is a hell of a commute, that takes me at least 1,5 hour from door to door, and when the traffic is bad it can be even up to three hours. This was the case last Wednesday and I could hardly keep my cool about it. Getting to the library means changing buses 3 times, and in all of those buses I am standing since they are so crowded that sitting is impossible.

I listen to my I-pod and use my Indonesian language cards to memorize vocabulary. Most Indonesians try to sleep, even the ones who are standing. If the bus is full enough I don’t need to hang on to anything, the sheer volume of bodies around me just keeps me standing upright and makes me kind of giddy. At least I can’t complain for a lack of physical contact, even though I might rather opt for a different form of physical intimacy than my morning commute ;-)

I started wearing a face-mask when I hit the roads in the morning; the exhaust fumes are so dense that it gives me a head-ache. I also wear the mask inside the library, since the insecticides on the old documents and newspapers also give me a headache. The Indonesians deal with this without masks, are they used to it? I leave the house at 7.30 in the morning and usually return between 5.30 and 6.00 pm, if I am lucky with traffic. These are long tiresome days, that left me utterly exhausted at the end of the first week.

This was not really what I had planned when coming to Jakarta. I thought I would spend my time in the National Archive and chose to live right next to it in wonderful Kemang Vista. But as fate would have it, most of the material I need is actually in the Perpustakaan, something I did not find out till I got here. And this means I live on the wrong side of town right now. I considered moving to Menteng, but have decided against it. I enjoy living in Kemang very much. It is relatively green and relatively well serviced, due to a great number of expatriates in the area. I have a supermarket close by, can go to the gym, etc. Plus, I just made some friends in the area and like hanging out with them. I am not sure if Menteng would offer the same possibilities. And I will only be doing this commute for about 6 weeks. I can manage.

Especially since I found my purpose and my focus again: I am choosing to work hard, really hard, and finish my dissertation in December 2009. That is the goal. December 2009. I realized it last Wednesday. I am done, I am done with this research and with this dissertation, all I have to do is write it up. Why wait till my contract ends in May 2010? Why not just go for it and do it. Finishing in 2009 inspires me about a hundred times more than finishing in 2010. 2009 Is the year. Read my lips :-) But more than that: support me in any way you can, because no-one can write a PhD alone.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

God lives in a bus

How can it be that I experienced my happiest moment in Jakarta when I was crammed on a hot and sweaty rush-hour bus?

Today, coming back from my muscle work-out at the gym, I was standing alongside the street waiting for the 605a bus back home. It was dark already, since it gets dark around 6.30 pm here, and traffic was crazy again but there was a nice breeze and I was waiting together with an Indonesian woman and managed to have some sort of broken conversation in Bahasa.

Then the bus shows up and is just packed with people, and I mean PACKED. So I jump into the (as always slowly driving) bus and hold on tight because the door is open and I am standing on the rim of this door opening. The street flashes by, lights and cars and people and it is pretty exciting. After two stops - mind you this bus just stops wherever people want to get out, which they announce by banging against the roof with a ring or coin, there are no formal stops – there is some space and I get pulled inside by some people and the women sitting on the back bench manage to cram me in between them.

Here I am, sitting like a sardine in a can, and just looking and smiling at all these bodies and faces and people holding on to each other and to the bus in any way they can. I feel this rush of joy and love rise inside me and I have to laugh out loud and people are just laughing with me and I suddenly feel so grateful and happy to be here. To experience these moments, to feel connected without words and language barriers, to belong….

I get up early every morning to do my yoga and meditations, and sometimes it just feels a bit dry, like a routine, I can not find the beauty. Still, I keep doing it, since I am devoted to it and it keeps me clear, stable and healthy, but it is not always that rewarding. How surprising and beautiful it is to find this deep spiritual awareness, this heart-felt joy, in the mundane things of life. To find it on a simple trip to the gym. To find God in the bus…

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Leaving Lake Toba

For a while I thought I might stay here till leaving for Jakarta on saturday... but after three days I feel rested and restless. I am not so good at doing nothing in sleepy little towns. So yesterday I took a motorbike and saw most of Samosir island, and today Chiara and I got up early and hiked to some hills to see the sunrise... we left at 5.20 am so in the dark, was a nice and quiet walk and we had a nice view to the sunrise on the lake. It was fun to hike through the bushes and over buffalo trails, since the supposed hiking trail was a bit too difficult to find for us....

Now we leave towards Bukittinggi, the heartland of the Minangkabau people. It is a rugged mountain area with lots of nice villages and lakes. But before we get to see all of that we have to sit on the nightbus for about 15 hours.... That will be my third and last nightbus trip of this journey. I considered to go to Jakarta by bus, boat, and bus but am glad we decided to book some plain tickets instead....

By the way: did anyone see the Obama inauguration? I enjoyed it online this morning and hope it will bring much good to the United States, its people and to the world.

As my yogateacher Gurumarka reminded me once: It is never the people failing, only the system.... Lets hope the people and their president can change the system for the benefit of all.

I know Obama is no miracle worker, but I do feel he can inspire people to bring out the best of their abilities....

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Monday, January 19, 2009

Girls in the Woods




Posted by Picasa

Lake Toba with Carolien and Chiara




Posted by Picasa

On the Banda Aceh Beach with Carolien, swimming with clothes on....




Posted by Picasa

Breezing through Brastagi

Proud Batak lady (Ibu) in Lingga, Sumatra

Brastagi, Lingga, 17 January 2009

A cloudy sunrise awaits me when I wake up in Sunrise View, and I enjoy the early morning sun, looking out over the rooftops and church spires of Brastagi. This is where Islamic Sumatra changes into Christian Sumatra. The mountain people (Batak Karo and Batak Toba) always resisted efforts from Aceh to convert them to Islam, but in the end gave out to colonial missionary efforts in the late nineteenth century and early twentieth century. This is why the area of Brastagi and Lake Toba is covered with churches instead of mosques, and why alcohol is suddenly readily available again.

It also means I can wear t-shirts and shorts, which (I must admit) feels really good after covering up for a week and swimming in the sea with clothes on, like in Banda Aceh. I don’t really mind covering up, with my skin the sun is way too strong anyway, but I do feel more free in the Christian areas, I realize. I guess it might have something to do with the refusal of the security guard at the big mosque in Banda Aceh to let me in. I was fully covered and wearing a headscarf, but no, only Muslims were allowed inside. I was surprised at how angry this made me, I had to swallow it, but still felt very frustrated at the things people do with their religions in daily life. As a believer in One Cosmic Creator I feel all houses of worships and all versions of God are one and the same thing, so why bar other people from your house of worship? Wouldn’t it be great to welcome them inside and show them your way to praise and prayer?

Masjid Raya, the great mosque in Banda Aceh

The really crazy thing is that most people in Banda Aceh would probably be fine with Westerners visiting their mosque; they seem a lot more open and tolerant than their local government. This is why the Sharia police in Aceh is so busy patrolling for proper headscarves, trying to outlaw ‘dating’, and sex before marriage…. But all their efforts in spite we saw lots of dating going on, lots of improper headscarves and some people even told us about the car they saw on campus the other day, in which a couple was having sex while the important Friday prayers were going on in the mosque…. This makes me laugh and makes me hopeful, people making their own choices and living their lives regardless of the Sharia police and ‘religious’ rules. “It is always the system that is failing, not the people,” my yoga teacher told me once. I believe so.

Back to the Christians in Batak land: Why they gave in to Christianity but not to Islam is not completely clear to me, but it had something to do with a missionary whose coming was accompanied by some really good harvests and the Batak king felt that trading animism for Christianity might be profitable for him. At the time the Bataks were still head hunting, and some had an appetite for human meat as well. This was only done with real enemies though…. The Batak civilization was highly developed, with an interesting language and script, great houses with curved roofs (like boats or buffalo horns), beautiful woodcraft and arts.

Brastagi was a resort during colonial times, when sweaty Westerners from Medan came to the mountains to relax and forget about the stress of colonial life… My grandmother used to holiday here as a child as well. Colonial Brastagi is almost gone, the only remnants some old luxury hotels on the hilltop outside the modern town. Today’s’ Brastagi is a bustling market town, “too busy to bother with tourists” as a guidebook says. This is true and it gives us some welcome peace of mind and undisturbed walking around. Only the school kids are excited to see us but we can handle that, they are pretty cute actually and their school English does not extend to more than: My name is? Which is considered by them to mean the same as the question: what is your name?

It reminds me of the hilarious story of Leena in Banda Aceh, who was on her way in the dark at some point when a voice from the bushes asked the intriguing question: “Who am I?” This has become one of our standard traveling jokes, as has the English phrase from our jungle guide John: “Much more better….” When describing anything he thought was good he would put this in front of it, like “Much more better swimming, or much more better food”

We decide to explore the area around Brastagi by motorbike to see traditional Batak Karo houses and enjoy the country side. This proved a brilliant choice. We had great fun driving around, and I quickly adapted to driving on the left and dealing with Indonesian traffic rules.

Rule 1: Always honk when you pass anyone or see anyone or just feel like it.

Rule 2: Do not be scared by crazy maneuvers from oncoming traffic. They will eventually make space for you, although probably at the last moment and you will not really die. You just feel like you will die.

Rule 3: be ready for anything on the road: children, bulls, wooden carts, women with buckets on their head and most of all: Giant potholes that you have to avoid at all costs, even if it means swerving over to the other side of the road.

Rule 4: Honk more.

With these rules quickly discovered, I was feeling free as a bird, wind in my face, helmet and sunglasses on, enjoying the speed, the fun, the sights and the smells. I always wanted to ride a motorbike when I was a teenager but my parents thought it too dangerous. And so I started to think it was dangerous and never tried one till now. Now I am addicted though…. I am renting one again as soon as I can, probably to go around in the Lake Toba area.

We saw many fascinating churches along the road, mixtures of Christian and Batak architecture.
We also found the village of Lingga, were some original houses are preserved. Families still live in those old houses, but as an elderly Ibu (lady) told us, since the 1950s most people build modern houses when the old ones fall apart. In the Batak houses there is only one big room where many families live, and since the idea of an individual family also arrived in Indonesia those houses are not considered to be so good anymore.

Ibu appeared to be great company and with Chiara’s brilliant translations we learned quite a lot about the village and her life. At some point she even showed some old dance moves, inspired by us talking about Bollywood. The great thing was that many villagers, especially children, were gathering around us in a big circle. So in the end the old lady talking to us about her life became a community event. She told about colonial times, when she was a child and very afraid off the foreigners. They were herded into some sort of camp during the war, in the jungle, but we were not sure if it was by the Japanese or the Dutch. During the revolutionary war they all left the village for safer places and returned after the struggle was over. We were invited to stay the night and share their food, but we decided to return back to Brastagi.

Before leaving we were blessed by the old lady, she said that she was praying for us to have many children and good health. It was great, the solemn way she said her blessings and the humble way in which we made our goodbye. We were all touched by this meeting.

Travelling in the night, part two

Ketambe to Brastagi, 16-17 January 2009

A feeling of intense happiness floods over me, total bliss as I am hurtling through the night again, music blaring, driver honking and smoking, little houses flashing by, people walking along the side of the road with their checkered clothes around their bodies against the cold. Endless trees and potholes full of water, and then again some houses and warungs. People all piled into one room or porch watching tv, the rest of the village dark and without electricity.

What makes me feel so happy? I don’t really know, just feel it, some sort of travelers’ happiness, like that song: on the road again, oh I just can’t wait to be on the road again…

At some point the potholes are driving me crazy, every time I fall asleep my head bangs against the side of the window. In the end the three of us just all lean into the middle, into Chiara, and manage to get some sleep. My ipod saves me again, music lulls me into some sort of stupor that I can pretend is like sleeping. It isn’t, but it is at least bearable to be one a bus for seven hours. There are no peeing stops, as I have learned from the last trip on the bus from Banda Aceh. All we get is stops for eating and you have to be quick to rush in a trip to the kamar kecil or kamar mandi (bathroom). So I learn not to drink while on the bus, even though I want to really bad.

Just in the middle of my stupor we unexpectedly stop. It is 3.30 am and we are at a roadside warung (restaurant) where whole families are stuffing themselves with elaborate meals of rice, meat, vegetables, bakmie, etc. It is an unbelievable sight, my stomach turns with just the thought of food. Carolien and I order some tea without sugar, we first get just hot water since they don’t understand the concept of tea without sugar…. Indonesians like everything sweet, really sweet, and everything has standard sugar and condensed milk in it. We manage to explain we like tea and the waiter manages to make it, without sugar. It’s too hot and we have to go again, which might be a relief, since the whole restaurant is looking at us like we are zoo animals and we are not ready to face the constant stream of questions: Where are you from, where are you going, are you married, have children?

These kind of questions, together with the unavoidable “hey mister” (to both men and women) are the only downsides to the incredible openness and friendliness of the Indonesians. I like them, I really do, and I try and appreciate these questions, but sometimes it really, really gets to me and really drives me a bit nuts. Privacy does not exist, I don’t even think there is a word for it in Bahasa Indonesia.

Just after our crazy night dinner we arrive in the town of Brastagi at 4.00 am. This bustling market town, in the fruit and vegetable rich area of the volcanic highlands, is deep asleep. We are dropped off like sacks of potatoes, with the backpacks on we look like that too, and clamber up a quiet hill to find a hostel named Sunrise View. It is cool, almost cold, and a bit rainy. I like it, and our nightly hike is appreciated too by all the watchdogs who bark and yell and follow us along. This is not the only time I have been happy with those rabies inoculations I got before leaving home.

We have to wake up the hostel owner but he is nice enough about it and shows us two rooms. We collapse and sleep, even the loud praying at the mosque next door can’t keep me out of my sleep now.

Travelling in the night

Woods, vines, lots of green, red and rocky roads, turning and winding their way up the mountains through the jungle. We left Banda Aceh around 1.30 pm, even though we were supposed to leave at 12.00… But times don’t really count when it comes to road transportation in Indonesia, jam karet it is called; “rubber time”. I feel like a piece of rubber by now since we travelled for 24 hours on that minivan, and then another one. A stunning trip in many ways.

Old bridges over the river, little naked kids are playing below and their mothers are doing laundry. A chain smoking driver, talking on his cell phone while loud music is blaring through the mini-van. We are sitting three in a row, shifting and shaking up and down. The road is really good, in some parts, and really bad – or nonexistent – in other parts. I enjoy listening to some music on my Ipod, even when it is difficult to ignore the bass of the music in the van, and looking out the window at life along the roads.

As always in Indonesia there are so many motorcycles with people heaped on it, little kids being breastfed, schoolgirls in their uniforms riding side-saddle. With every move our van makes the drives honks at the motorcycles and other cars. It’s a single lane road but that does not prevent anyone from overtaking one-another all the time. We arrive in Takengon late in the evening and get out for a quick meal of nasi, of course, nasi, always nasi. As a vegetarian it is a bit challenging sometimes, but usually I manage to get some vegetables with it and avoid the fish and meat. Although I do have some fish once in a while, when my body screams for protein ;-)

After the dinner we get on the bus again, three white girls and about eight Indonesians going back home or visiting family. From Takengon the road into the Gayo mountain range gets really narrow and winding and rocky, everybody is slumping in their seats and sleeping, or pretending to sleep, but for now I prefer watching the road and hoping to see some more monkeys, or even better: tigers or orang utan! These animals still live in the Sumatran jungle, together with all kinds of rare birds and monkeys and snakes and bear and elephants and rhinos…. But so far I have only spotted some smaller monkeys (bavianen) and mosquitos.

Being on the road all night was not as bad as I had anticipated, with my ipod on, slumped between Chiarra and Carolien, I even got some sleep. We expected to get straight to Ketambe, but at 4 am we pulled into some sort of garage and were told to sleep there in the bus till 7 when another bus would leave for Ketambe…. This was of course not communicated to us in Banda, but we just went with the flow, slept and woke up to a perfect sunny morning.

The drive to Ketambe was beautiful, lovely mountains and jungle and the Alas river down in the valley. We could not wait to start our jungle trek!

Monday, January 12, 2009

Impressions

Playing with the local kids on Mabul Island, off the coast of Sabah, Malaysian Borneo








Playing with the local kids on Mabul Island, off the coast of Sabah, Malaysian Borneo