The sun shines, the birds sing, I am happy and the universe is so good to me. I have arrived, again, in the here and now. I am where I am and I am who I am. Wahe Guru!
Still, there are dillemmas, there are challenges, but that is great. It is in the heat of the fire that the iron is forged, that your true shape appears. My dissertation is part of the fire, and it is shaping me and I am shaping it. I enjoy the process, for the first time since I started in America in 2004 I am enjoying the fire my dissertation represents.
Another fire is my desire to wear my turban, always. To wear it to work, to the supermarket, to tango. But I am also afraid of completely showing who I am, who I have become. That my life is about the divine and about serving people through yoga and meditation. I love being a yogi, I love my turban, I love wearing it because it keeps me so clearheaded, radiant, calm, and royal. I love wearing it because it represents my dedication and commitment, and because it supports me to carry myself like the strong and able woman that I am.
But I am still intimidated by the world outside, by responses from all the people who know me. By the looks and the questions. I am still challenged also with the scope and width of my commitment. And I am challenged especially by the tangoworld, this world of sexy dresses and sensual movement. I love tango, and it is divine and I still want to dance tango, but I also want to wear my turban. Would people still dance with me if I wear my turban? Can I be a yogi and a tango-dancer at the same time? All in one? Can I unite myself in this?
Wow, I can really feel this stage of transition inside myself. But I can't wait till it is socially convenient (like next summer when I plan to move to Indonesia/India) before I make this choice. Because inside me this knowledge, this drive, this commitment to live a pure life is knocking and humming, and it is not something I can just ignore or push away. Because being a yogi is in some amazing way an essential part of who I am....
2 comments:
I love the pictures of you with your turban, and I kind of wish that I had one. Your dedication to your kundalini practice amazes me. Wahe guru!
Mmmmm, thanks dear. That's so sweet of you. I only see your comment now, I did not visit my own blog for a while. It is funny because at this point I have been wearing my turban full time for more than four weeks. Ever since the yogafestival. I have even been dancing tango with one! I made it a bit different, a bit lighter and smaller to accomodate tango, and I use fashionable scarves to match my outfit, haha ;-) Even a yogi turban can be fashionable, hihi.
Well honey, who knows, I might need to make a special turban to match my wedding-girl outfit for your wedding!
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